Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
