yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
