Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
