last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
