I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
