Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
