She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
