My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
