There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
