Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
