Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
