Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
