Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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