Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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