Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
