I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
