me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
