it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
