you would pick up someone in the library
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Everything about him screamed your future.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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