Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
