Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
