Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
