if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
