Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I need a beard to bite.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
