well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
