he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How naked do you want me to be?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
