Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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