stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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