just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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