you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
