definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
