Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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