I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize