Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
