he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
