When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I think my moral compass just broke
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
