Cold hands, warm shart.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
