you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
