My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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