Cold hands, warm shart.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
