This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize