I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
