Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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