She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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