he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
