i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
