Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
