We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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