You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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