The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
