She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize