So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
