I wish I only lived at night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
