i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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