I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
