well I can't set my house on fire every night
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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