all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
