Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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