I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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