If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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