i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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