In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
