grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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