Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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