apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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