Your face is a jimmy john
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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