people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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