I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
